Experiencing the Emotional Loss of Special Equines: A Tribute to Our Loved Ones

Losing a pet is something most of us humans experience at some time or another. But, I tend to think our equines are on a different level. As someone who grew up with ponies from a young age of two, I always thought I had a sixth sense or could understand ‘what my horse or pony’ was thinking. I went so far that I even believed their was a real thing called “pony talk”. Even though it was my fantasy, there’s a special bond between humans and horses that is even stronger than that of dogs or cats. I don’t think it has to do with their size or energy, but I think it’s more on an emotional level. Even from a young age I could sense which kind of ‘ride’ my horse or pony preferred early on when getting to know them. I could tell the ride was either lots of ‘leg to hand’ or soft and light in the tack with a simple scratch on the neck to ease their nerves. I think it’s a gift riders get from an early age to develop this ‘horse sense’ of a special bond between their horse and self.

While growing up you spend so much time with these horses and ponies, you never really think about their ‘retirement years’ and their aging process. Because horses and ponies can live well into their twenties, thirties, and sometimes forties, it’s usually ‘far off’ from reality in the present moments of their careers. Then, time sets in…

This special ‘horse sense’ or bond between equine and self stems from spending so much time at the barn. Not only is this bond built on from just riding, but also the time spent grooming, grazing, bathing, and hand walking when they’re coming off of an injury. Just being present with both yourself and your horse. I still remember riding bareback in the hay meadows of Colorado with halter and lead rope just enjoying the moment of ‘playtime’ with the ponies.

This past year I’ve had the emotional challenges of facing retirement years in many of my horses, ponies, and miniature horses’ lives. My family’s farm is located in Ocala, Florida situated on sixteen acres of lush grass, rolling hills, and spanish oak trees. The horses have everything the ‘retiree’ could want – lush stalls, daily grooming and regular baths, the best veterinary care, specialty farrier visits, and a small herd of their ‘lifelong best friends’. Going home is like a step back in time socializing with these guys…

My famous large pony, Daphne-Doo greets me in the barn aisle with a whinny, perked up ears, and big bug eyes staring right at me. My very first small pony Blue Rock aka “Salsa” is pawing the stall door eagerly awaiting a treat with his grey eyebrows and long whiskers. Then there’s Minnie, a dark bay Dutch warmblood, “Dibs” and “Fonzi” the miniature horses, and “Duke” and “Nole” both miniature donkeys fighting for attention.

Now, there are two empty stalls in the barn. We have lost three beloved equines from 2017-2019 due to old age. They’ve had the most wonderful life with our family, but now the barn is quieter than ever.

The first stall was Sir Walter’s stall, my famous Junior Hunter / Amateur Owner Hunter horse who I competed with from the age of sixteen all the way into college. Dark, Dutch, and handsome he was a dark bay 16.1 H warmblood with a tiny white star and white bobby sock behind with a big cresty hunter neck. He stood out in the ring and had the best way of going so gentle and kind and a magnificent jumper. He was the light of my life, and got me through so many ups and downs through health issues and relationships. He was my rock. He was my bestest friend. In the fall of 2018, he passed away due to old age after battling laminitis for several years, even after given a 10% chance of life over ten years ago by the University of Florida. He had such a will to live. He lived an extraordinary retirement with his friends in Ocala. He was the life of the barn. He’d “play the harp” with his lips on the stall bars trying to make the most noise to fight for attention, that he definitely got. He also would bang the stall doors begging for treats. He was the most animated in the barn with the biggest personality, he was the ‘life of the party.’ He lived to 26. Suddenly the barn became quiet when he passed. The role of ‘making noise’ was passed to Daphne-Doo who quickly picked up the banging on the stall doors role.

The other empty stall belonged to Sam I Am. My sister Amy’s first small pony hunter. He was a three-colored pinto with one blue eye. My parents purchased him at National Pony Hunter Finals in Chicago, Illinois in the early 1990s when pinto ponies were not as accepted in the show ring. He was the first to start the ‘color trend’ to say the least. He was a magnificent jumper, and always enjoyed taking the ‘leaper distance’. He taught Amy how to ride, and he quickly became famous through his gentleman personality and presence in the show ring. We sold Sam after Amy out-aged him and he taught many other little children how to ride and won numerous championships around the country.

In 2008 we got back both Sam I am and Blue Rock to retire with us on the farm. The two were best friends “back in the day” and reunited again like two brothers. Sam taught Salsa how to be a man and the two would play together like little kids on the playground even in retirement. Sam was also Amy’s best friend. She never quite found another pony or horse that was as special as him. Anytime she would try another pony after out-aging him, she we would ask if she liked the pony, and Amy would always say “well, he’s just not like Sam…” There will never be another Sam I am.

Sam passed away at age 34, just shy of 35 by a couple months. While he lived an extraordinary long life, it’s still never easy having to say goodbye. That constant ‘rock in the throat’ feeling is the absolute worst when friends and family try to talk about it. Tears constantly well up in your eyes because you know you can’t cuddle them anymore, or be greeted in the barn by their presence. It’s the hardest feeling to overcome, and only time heals.

Another dear sweet family member we lost on the farm was my beloved miniature horse, Pepper, in May 2017 due to old age and a long battle with laminitis as well. I still remember when I was about 11 years old “picking her out” online. I somehow convinced my parents to buy her and we trained her as a yearling to be the ultimate show miniature horse. She did everything from showmanship, obstacle classes, youth driving classes, and halter classes. She even won National Champion Solid Color Mares in the late 90s as a two year old. Pepper traveled to Colorado and hiked the mountains with us, visited nursing homes for charity, participated in July 4th parades, went swimming in the ocean, you name it, she did it. Pepper was the sweetest mare, and never acted “mare-ish”. She had stars for dapples, and would change colors from dark to light depending on the seasons.

All three of these equines were diagnosed with Cushings disease, which eventually took their life. Cushings disease is most common in older horses between 18-23 and can sometimes be associated with Insulin Resistance. Cushings disease is very prevalent nowadays and is caused by a tumor on the pituitary gland. While Cushings can be controlled with medication and management, there is unfortunately no cure. Diet plays a huge factor in managing this disease, and more research needs to be done to help prevent and find a cure.

We have to remember: our special equine memories live with us forever as their soul sores throughout the heavens. I encourage you to cherish the moments you have with your horses and ponies every day. Hug them lots and even when they have a bad day, forgive them. Don’t skimp on the treats, and take plenty of pictures and videos. Create the memories you’ll want to hang on to forever, because you never know when the final moments will come. May all those special equines who have passed rest in heavenly peace forever n ever.